The Truth About Grief Module Two
Listening and Expressing from Our Hearts
Materials
Name the Feeling
Being able to name the feeling helps us express the feelings of grief and loss. Often there are multiple and conflicting feelings related to a loss. This is normal.
When I See, I Feel
Human beings have a remarkable gift of physically and emotionally taking in both the world around us and within us. Our bodies respond with sensations, emotions, and feelings to what we observe through our senses. This is true always—even if it is outside of our awareness, even when we feel numb or are not present to the moment.
Our bodies give us information, and we can trust what we feel. “When I see the sunshine, I feel good.”
Connection is Healing. Speaking to that feeling, expressing it in some way and having that received and witnessed by another human creates connection. Especially when we are grieving, those connections matter and offer healing, relief, and understanding.
Find an object of interest. Focus on that object’s physical qualities: color, shape, size, texture. Begin to focus intently on one of those physical qualities. Notice what feeling arises (comfortable, uncomfortable, pleasurable, not pleasurable). Notice where that feeling comes from within the physical body.
When I see the deep red of the rose petal, I feel content in my chest.
I hear you: If others are witnessing, there is a connection of being heard. If you are doing this practice on your own, notice the experience of witnessing yourself.
When our expression is witnessed or received, we know that we are not alone or isolated. Connection is the healing component to our pain and isolation. This practice allows us to be fully present in our bodies to support our own healing.
Practices
Journaling
Reflect on a specific loss from your lifetime. This may be a recent loss or one from a long time ago. As you work the practices below, keep that loss in mind. Make notes or reflections about what you discover, feel, or see. You may realize an unmet need related to a past relationship or the loss of that relationship. These practices and your reflections may be useful as you move toward a ritual expression of the particular loss.
IDENTIFYING OUR NEEDS
Our bodies do not lie, and we know what we feel even if it takes a little while to name it. Knowing what we feel and how it is related to what we have observed, allows us to begin to recognize our own unmet needs. When we have that information, we can take steps toward having our needs met. This is an important element of our self-care. It is also a helpful tool when we are supporting others who may feel stuck or isolated. Asking open ended question that allow others to 1) name the feeling(s), 2) identify the unmet need, and 3) make a request to meet a need.
“When I am by myself for too long, I feel lonely because being near others who offer me physical affection is important to me. May I please have a hug?”
SPEAKER/LISTENER INSTRUCTIONS
The Speaker/Listener instructions may be helpful reminders about how to best listen and speak from our heart. We often get into the cultural flow of “fixing it”. “Feeling it” may be what is most helpful and needed.
BOX BREATHING
Box Breathing is a practice that may help soothe and calm the nervous system. When our nervous systems are triggered or overwhelmed into fight, flight, or freeze, we do not have much choice or agency. Finding ways to regulate these intense emotional states creates space so that we can find movement again.
HIMALAYAN MOUNTAIN IMAGE
This image experience is another opportunity to calm our nervous systems in order to create internal space and connectedness. Allow whatever images and sensations that arise during this image. Eidetic images are a practice and experience of our own consciousness through images and physical or emotional feeling.
Ritual Expression
After taking some time to become fully present using any of the practices we have learned so far or another one you already engage, review your questionnaire and your journal reflections related to a particular instance of loss or change. Allow yourself to become deeply present to the images, and the physical and emotional sensations that arise. Notice what emotions arise and where they come from within your body. Stay in this liminal state, this place of presence with your feelings both emotional and physical, for longer than you otherwise might. Tend and acknowledge those feelings both with your hands on your body and with introspective presence. You may see images or words may come to mind. An expression, poem, song, image or other ritual action may also arise. Allow yourself to express whatever has surfaced, even if it not quite clear yet. Bring your ritual expression or a photo of what you have created to our next meeting.