The Truth About Grief Module Zero
(A.K.A: The Truth About Change)
Training modules for those who want to support others Through difficult transitions and losses.
The current offering of this educational training workshop has evolved from my personal experiences, work with clients, and training and education. My graduate research in the areas of rite of passage and myth-ritual theory, indigenous knowledge systems, and eidetic imagery have heavily influenced the perspective of this work.
While the training incorporates many of the experiential practices and processes that I use with my counseling clients, this training is not meant to function as therapy or counseling. The goal of this education project is to 1) expand the foundations of support for those experiencing life altering change and transition and 2) equip those at natural intersections for care with the tools to support others.
Module Zero is an introduction and overview for our work together in the area of change, transition, grief, and loss. Module Zero offers our minds a foundation and entrance into the territory of uncertainty. With permission to consider the discomfort of change, this module presents structural maps of the transition process and the potent liminal state where transformation is possible.
A Unique Experience
The following is an overview of the training and the essential skills that support our children, loved ones, community members, and clients through their loss experience.
GRIEF IS A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE
It is normal to feel conflicting emotions with regard to a loss or change. We may well feel relief that our loved one is no longer suffering, and we may feel tremendous sorrow because they are no longer here. We may feel excitement for a new opportunity, and simultaneously feel sorrow as we leave a familiar community. We may feel the discomfort of the disruption of what we considered normal or expected.
Emotions are not logical, and they are real. Each person responds to a particular loss uniquely. Even if family members share the loss of the same loved one, each person in the family had a unique relationship with the person who died. Each person will experience grief within the context of their unique relationships. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief or move through change and loss. Having companionship and support makes that journey bearable and potentially transformational.
If we are a companion to another person who is experiencing change and loss, our commitment to honesty, confidentiality, and non-judgment are important. We must not ask of others what we are not willing to do ourselves. We may need to go first — briefly, and in a way that does not take up the space we are creating for the person in pain. We must be willing to be vulnerable and share how we are honestly feeling. This is true when we are supporting children and adults. We can make it safe for others to share from their heart when we are willing to show up with our own.
We will explore types of loss, our own experiences of loss, and how to support others in their unique journey through loss.
The Truth Is…
After a loss, we often find that others do not know what to say, say nothing, or say unhelpful things. Most of us have not been given the tools and information about grief to know how to adequately support others or ourselves.
What is False About Grief—It is not true that time heals all wounds. Replacing the loss, grieving alone, being strong for others, and burying our feelings will NOT make the pain go away.
The Truth about grief is—Our feelings are normal and natural. We may have been socialized to believe that these conflicting and complicated feelings are not normal. There may not have been anyone to receive our expressions of grief. Grievers are NOT broken. We are hurting. We can let go of the pain by feeling it and moving through it with support and companionship.
Losses may include Death, divorce or end of a relationship, loss of a career, loss of social structures, loss of community, loss of trust, loss of faith, loss of safety, or loss of health.
Deciding to address our emotions during a difficult time of change and loss is an act of radical compassion and healing.
Stepping Into the Liminal
Grief, loss, change, and transitions are by their very nature liminal states. The liminal or in-between states of change and transition are places of paradox, where seemingly incongruent events or emotions co-exist. The liminal state is characterized by uncertainty, disorientation, and a state or place where discomfort is common. The image of a dark, womb-like environment may be the best analogy for what a liminal state holds in terms of potentiality.
Defining the Work
Rite of passage is one framework for transformative work. For those seeking to move through loss and change, a rite of passage process can be a profound act of self-care. Rite of passage is a process of separation from the old way of being, moving through an in-between or liminal state, and then integrating to a new way of being.
A Collective Imagination Problem
Our modern cultural paradigm often does not accommodate or tolerate discomfort and uncertainty long enough to allow new potentials to emerge. We dip our toe in the waters of the liminal destruction, and externalize the cause of the pain. The pain of change without necessary support can be overwhelming. Without the support or tolerance for remaining in uncertainty, we bypass the liminal state of change never truly arriving in a new place. We blame and shame to avoid the discombobulating and disorienting liminal territory. We often do not have sufficient capacity or support to tolerate discomfort and remain in the destruction of the liminal state long enough to endure the paradoxes of liminality, engage imaginative ritual, and meet a new way of being.
A Womb of Support
With support, we can sustain the discomfort of the uncertainty of the liminal state. There are often conflicting emotions of an intense nature that arise during liminal states. The support agreement flows both ways. Grievers are able to request support, and the supporter also reaches out to check in with the griever who is moving through various aspects their unique journey. The more emotionally honest the exchange is between participant and supporter, the more powerful the relationship becomes. The supporter works from a place of empathy, feeling with the participant both the feelings related to destruction and death as well as those emerging moments of creation and rebirth. Mirroring observations and gentle inquiry reveal stepping stones for the griever who walks an uncharted path.
There will be opportunities, unique to each transformational journey, to engage in ritual acts that invite imagination into the creation of new possibilities. Ritual involves an intentional act or action in the midst of transformation, a death and rebirth process, offered with the intention of making contact with the mythic, divine, or spirit realm. Ritual acts might include a series of actions, incantations, gestures, story, songs, or dance performed in a sacred or designated place.
Practices
Journal
Obtain a journal or notebook for this workshop. Use it to make notes, write down questions or concerns, and record your responses to homework and practices between live sessions.
Reviewing our lOsses: HONORING AND VALUING OUR LOSSES
Loss History Questionnaires: There are many types of loss. Many of us have not fully valued the losses we have experienced in our lifetime. These losses, if untended, can accumulate and impact our physical and mental wellbeing. Take a moment to assess your own loss history using one of the questionnaires: adults, teens, and children. Younger children may desire a supportive adult to help them talk through their questionnaire.
Remember, if you are an adult or young adult supporting a child, it important to “go first” and set the example by appropriately sharing your own experience of loss. And, do not ever pressure or insist that the young person share. It may take time for a child to feel comfortable revealing their feelings about loss and change.
Video: Boundless mobile project
Please watch the first video on the Boundless Mobile Project.
