Module Zero
Definition Sources from The Grief Recovery Institute: Grief Recovery Method
Defining the Work
Rite of Passage work can be a self-care, integrative, and transformative process for those seeking support to move through loss and change. Rite of passage is a process of separation from the old way of being, moving through an in-between or liminal state, and then integrating to a new way of being. The liminal state is often disorienting, ambiguous, and uncomfortable. It is where paradoxes exist, destruction and creation occur, and where we can participate in the grieving process so that we can integrate the loss or transform a part of ourselves.
What Rite of passage does not do:
While it may initiate a transformation and allows for integration of loss into our lives, the rite of passage process does not eliminate the need to grieve. It will not take away the pain or discomfort that grieving entails and requires. It is not meant to “fix” what cannot be repaired, reconstituted, or recreated.
Your loss is unique. Loving and loss are part of living. Having that experience supported and witnessed are valuable and healing parts of your journey.
what rite of passage structure does offer:
It is a safe container to process difficult and painful feelings. It is a supported, non-linear process that will allow you to learn to integrate the loss you are experiencing into your life. We will work together to move through the layers of loss, pain, and discomfort. Your pain will be witnessed.
A Womb of Support
The companionship of supportive facilitator and a Womb of Support allows the griever to process the pain and discomfort of grieving and the uncertainty of the liminal state. There are often conflicting emotions of an intense nature that arise during liminal states. The supportive relationship flows both ways. You are able to request support, and the facilitator also reaches out to check in with you as you walk a unique path of grief and loss. The more emotionally honest the exchange is between participant and facilitator, the more supportive the relationship becomes. The facilitator works from a place of empathy. There will be opportunities, unique to each griever’s journey, to engage in ritual acts that invite imagination into the integration or transformation process.
Reflection Materials
There are several books that may be helpful in your as you engage this work. The books are listed in no particular order. The links are to help you easily research the book that calls you and are not and endorsement to purchase the book from any particular seller. It is recommended that you choose one of the following books to help provide a structure for your grief work. These readings are not mandatory, and are meant to offer you new learning and insight to widen your perspective on grief from your place in the liminal state of change. 1) It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine speaks truth to the reality of the cultural gap for grief and loss particularly for those experiencing devastating losses that we must learn to carry and integrate. 2) The Grief Recovery Handbook by John W. James and Russell Friedman unfolds the social-emotional aspects related to our cultural norms, grief and loss, change and transition. 3) Prayers of Honoring Grief by Pixie Lighthorse offers a poetic and prayerful entry into integrating our grief as part of our selves and includes journal prompts based on the reading. 4) Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair by Miriam Greenspan explores the alchemical transformative power of grief through story and experiential exercises. 5) The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller unfolds our grief as an inherently communal experience, invites us to welcome the sorrow, and engage ritual to initiate healing and transformation. 6) The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor describes the science behind how we learn from love and loss. Alternatively, you may choose another grief centered book that is calling you.
Practices
Various practices will be incorporated into your individual experience of the work. Some of those practices include breath work, meditations, eidetic imagery, and utilizing your natural inclination for creative activities (art, music, dance, writing, cooking, etc.). Nature is another element that offers highly valuable and insightful experiences that support the transformative and integrative processes.
Module Zero
Reading and Reflections
Please order your chosen book. If possible, it is best to do your reading and reflection between our sessions in a consistent and regular space where you will have uninterrupted time for yourself (see Ritual Action). You may or may not agree with everything that is presented in our sessions, in the modules, or in the book, and that is okay. Your reflections and notations will be part of the continuing conversation of your experience of grief, loss, integration, and transformation.
Resources for Beginning the Journey:
Please take a look at the appropriate questionnaire to begin valuing and reflecting on the losses you have experienced in your lifetime.
Questionnaires: Adult, Young Adult/Teen, Children
Journaling
Please get a small notebook or journal to keep with you throughout your day. As you notice the patterns of your life or the emerging patterns, make notes about these and anything else that feels emotionally important. The act of noticing is powerful as you integrate the enormous change loss has created in your life.
Ritual Action: Create an Altar or INTENTIONAL Space
Pick a particular location inside your home or outside near your home where you can easily spend time uninterrupted. Make a commitment to do your Rite of Passage work in this particular space most of the time. It is not necessary to always be in this exact location, so please be compassionate and flexible with yourself as you do this work. However, the time you spend in a particular space will create a ritual space for doing this work. You may want to talk to the other members of your household about the space you choose so that there is an understanding. You may include whatever precious items you would like in this space (stones, candle, or other meaningful objects). The arrangement of this space or altar is not stagnant, and is meant to change through your process. You may decide to add items to your altar along the way that reflect the work you are unfolding.
Practices: NewBorn Care
Intense loss is intense. We are suddenly living in an entirely new landscape in a body that has not yet acclimated. It can feel harsh and painful. The normal sounds, smells, and flavors can be too much stimulus when we have experienced a tragic loss.
Presence is the way through the difficult and painful emotions of loss. Breath is one of the fastest ways to find yourself in the present moment and find regulation during intense emotions. Using breath to stay present to what is painful and uncomfortable supports your system so you can feel through the rise and fall of the feeling. Breath can be a way to not abandon ourselves during frightening emotions of panic and anxiety that sometimes occur during grieving.
You may close your eyes or leave them open, and take at least three deep heart breaths pulling your inhale in through the top of your head into your heart. When you breathe in, fill your belly; and when you exhale, allow your belly to collapse. You may do this anytime, anywhere. It is a simple practice that is always with you and has the ability to shift your consciousness and physiology almost immediately. Try to practice this at least three times daily, more is always better. You may want to place a little reminder in a place you visit daily (bathroom mirror, car, refrigerator) to ensure you can easily incorporate new practices into your day. This breath practice is excellent upon waking and before sleep.
I have also provided a short audio recording of these breathing practices. As well, there is a list of comfort-care for your newborn-self living in an altered world. Intense loss is intense.
Newborn basics
Check in with yourself/your body a few times during the day.
Drink Water
Eat Nutritious food
Sleep and rest more frequently
Know and lean into your comforts
Walk or sit outside
Acknowledge and Interrupt Looping Thoughts
Do any of the above
Circle breathing
Feet in water
Soak in a bath/pool
(Draw your energy down from the head through body and out feet.)
When You Have More Space/Settling
Write
Draw
Express
Please follow this link to watch a couple videos related to liminal states. BOUNDLESS
