Owl Partner, Vision 360

I have often told friends and clients that Edmond and I have had at least seven re-ups on our marriage partnership. This also means we had at least seven times when one or both of us considered abandoning the partnership. Two of the first agreements we made after our first date (and that is a STORY for later) were 1) let’s see what happens and 2) let’s always tell the truth. I believe these two agreements and our great love for one another are what held us in partnership.

The seeing what happens agreement was our way of allowing our relationship to unfold without committing to more than we had capacity to promise in any given moment. Both of us had been previously married, and neither of us wanted to build something that would have to be torn apart because we were careless. I had three children when we met, and I could not hurt them with another failed relationship. He was so very thoughtful and did not want to let them down, ever. This agreement meant taking steps that made sense for us not necessarily what the culture expected of us. It meant allowing things to find their own time and rhythm between us, bumps and all. Thankfully and with so much gratitude the first agreement played out in ways that brought us toward a deep partnership, Edmond, an amazing step-father and role model and friend, into the lives of my three oldest children, and eventually two additional children to complete our pack.

The second agreement , telling the truth, was sometimes a challenge both to tell and to hear. Telling the truth meant also hearing things we did not yet see for ourselves or want to own. Telling the truth was our Owl Partnership, Vision 360, seeing the other’s shadow side and shining a light. Like the swivel of the owl’s head, their incredibly perceptive ability to see and hear, and their silence that allows, our partnership evolved into a union I did not know was possible. I trusted him to see and do what I could not, and he trusted me in the same way. We had each other’s back.

In the earliest days after the bliss of finding each other had settled into our sharing home, sometimes we told the truth in ways that were unkind to the other. Sometimes what we said was more about being right and clinging to our stubborn perceptions and not so much the truth. Sometimes we could not drag the other over the line to our way of seeing things, but we tried, oh how we tried. He was a brilliant attorney who could logic me into oblivion. And, I am a heart-centered speaker who could melt him down. In those early years, things were could get pretty colorful when we did not see the same way. We had moments when we resisted the truth, even when it was the amount he loved me. That was hard to take in and believe and trust. With each visit to the marriage table, we decided to stay and see what happened.

This Owl Partnership with the capacity to see together all around softened. Speaking the truth become more compassionate and gentle. We took our time, and knew that being right did not actually matter. Being loving and compassionate was the most important thing in telling the truth. We slowed down and allowed each other to unfold. He taught me so much about healthy boundaries. I was but a sieve when we met. He taught me to listen to what my heart wanted, not what pleased others.

It felt like watching a flower open as he found balance between heart and his healthy boundaries. I helped him soften his heart and feel those tender feelings. He became this amazing, divine masculine being who could speak from his brilliant mind and beautiful heart at the same time. I heard him so clearly speak truth to me.

We supported and encouraged each other as we did our personal work around old wounds we did not know we had dragged into the marriage. We helped each other see the patterns in our lives that brought us joy or pain. We said and heard hard things with soft, open hearts. We cried and laughed together. Damn, that man was fucking funny! We shed the layers that kept us farther apart from one another. We wanted no space between us.

I miss my Owl Partner. I know he still has my back, but it isn’t the same. We still talk and tell the truth, every day. I am not mad at him for not being here, but I am mad he is not here. I know he doesn’t want to be apart this way either. This truth that he is not here is hard to hold, but I don’t have to hold it because it consumes me. I suppose I am going to have to rely again on the first agreement and see what happens.